Days from Then

Hello peeps,


I know my blogging has been sporadic at best the last week or two, but I have a note from my doctor to explain why.  See, what had happened wuuuz...Honestly, I recently started a new job that does not afford the luxury of sitting in front of a computer all day.  So, since I am not getting paid to blog anymore, my incentive for doing so has somewhat lessened.  However, in honor of the millions and millions of The Chantix Experiment's fans, the Blogdom's Champ has chosen to grace you with some off-duty words of wisdom.  
So, here is the scoop.  Ive had to start getting up real early for this whole, new job business and taking chantix is really not helping me sleep.  Taking it before bed is especially troublesome and taking it early in the morning is a pain cause I hardly ever eat breakfast.  So, I havent been taking the chantix as often as I should, every day even.  Plus my stash is almost depleted so Im trying to space them out.  But, Im not using nearly the amount of tobacco that I was, but still using nonetheless.  Arg!!   gotta kick this habit.  

Will it Work?

Im starting to doubt the effectiveness of the Chantix.  I feel like the nicotine has taken Chantix's best shot and is still standing strong.  Despite the fact that I still achieve no great sensation from it, I still continue to try with the cigs.  Its not as easy as you think to start understanding that nothing is to be gained from a cigarette.  Its like, just because you had a few bad sexual experiences doesnt mean your gonna give up the practice all together right?  No, your gonna keep trying and trying until it's right again.  I feel like Im getting closer to that realization, though.  With smoking that is.  I don't enjoy smoking anymore, so I guess that is a bonus.   

Do I need to quit drinking too?  It seems the alcohol is a pretty intense trigger as well are certain times of the day  that I am so used to using.  Especially, around lunch time and immediately after work.  I'm surely not using as much, but a few cigs a night is still no bueno.  I need to find something to fill the void left by smoking and chewing.  Any suggestions would be helpful.  Ive exhausted all human capacity to consume sunflower seeds.  And I hate chewing gum.  Frick!!  Id totally rip a butt right now if I had one. 

 I really should take my quit meter off the blog beacuse it is basically just a lie.  Unless of course it was the "quit buying cigarettes" meter.  I've noticed that other people really love it when you quit only to continually ask them for smokes.  It inspires them to help you quit.  

Speaking of quitting, my last day at this stinkin job is tomorrow.  Anybody have any suggestions on a going away prank?  

Day after whatevvvver

Not too much time for a long and thourough post.  But, just needed to check in to say that I cannot for the life of me make it an entire day without smoking.  I can go extremely long periods without cravings, but there are times that I just have to have one.  Whats worse, is not getting any satisfaction from them and immediately wanting one as soon as you finish it.  From what I've heard, that is just part of the process.  Eventually you will stop craving something that doesnt give you anything in return.  Like, well...none of the comparisons Im thinking of really should be written here, but its a learned behavior to crave nicotine.  Therefore, it must be a learned behavior to not crave it I guess. If there is anyone in this world reading this with some kind of insight, please comment and let me know.  I dont know what the hell I'm doing.  Is it ok, to sneak an occasional unfulfilling smoke?  Or should I fight these cravings like the plague? 

I'm not really feeling the love from my millions of followers and subscribers and commenters.  And that just takes alot of the wind out of my sails when I'm trying to write.  Also, its frustrating that I can't get my blog to be searchable via google.  There are actually a few people who read it, believe it or not and I have no idea how they found it other than me giving them the exact address.  Help?  Suggestions? Feel free to comment, follow, or subscribe.  I think that kinda thing helps spread the word and increase my mass appeal....hahahahaahahaah

have a good weekend blogians!

Day.....whatever

My title makes me laugh.  Like in Wedding Crashers on that dudes answer machine.  "Uhhhhhhh (long sigh).........whatever.....(beep)."
But, that's kinda how I feel as it relates to tobacco use.  I got pretty toasty last night and decided to rip a few cigs.  two to be exact.  But, I really got nothing out of them except a few coughs and little bit of a scratchy voice.  Goodness I miss that buzz.  I huffed the second cigarette down so fast, I might as well have just eaten it.  How frustrating.  Its like chasing the dragon...i assume.  Actually, I just did some research on that and it really is nothing like chasing the dragon, but the imagery that it invokes seems kinda similar.  And 'chasing the nicotine buzz' doesn't sound nearly as cool.  


The day before, Tuesday I think, was a complete nicotine free day.  I fought off some serious cravings, but managed to avoid the pitfall.  It might also be of interest that I did not drink at all.  Last night I did drink and I wound up smoking.  Not saying the two are related, just saying.  I guess I just needed to stick something in my mouth.  I've been eating sunflower seeds like crazy, chewing gum till my jaw hurts, and chewing on straws and stuff.  

The side-effects have been negligible at best.  The dreaming is full out insane though.  Pretty cool stuff.  But, and thats a BIG butt, I've been noticing recently that sometimes I have difficulty distinguishing what happened in a dream and what happened in reality.  For example, just last night I was talking with my neighbor and just as I was about to ask him why the hell he drove his car into the yard while blasting Twisted Sister's Were Not Gonna Take It!! at 2am, I realized that it had in fact been a dream.  Another time I was on my way to the store trying to remember what I needed to get.  I thought of a few things I needed and then thought, "no, I got that yesterday at the Star Wars themed farmers market."  And for a moment it seemed rational.  Like, sure thats totally normal to buy 15 pounds of cantaloupe and squash from Pizza the Hut. I know, he was from Spaceballs but I guess Jabba was unavailable.  Its pretty disturbing when you come back to earth and say wow, that was a dream idiot.
So, other than my altered sense of perception and reality, things are going pretty good.  I quit my job, started drinking heavily and developed a slight suicidal ideation.  I couldn't be better and Ive only smoked 5 cigs the last 5 days.  Powerful stuff.  Actually none of that is true.  Well, I did quit my job, but only cause I got a better job.  Its pretty liberating to quit a job.  I wrote a rather scathing letter of resignation and insisted it go into my file.  Which was a little ballzy, but....whatevvvvver....
Oh, and I've started to spend money like nobody's business.  I guess somehow I figure that by not spending the 5 bucks on a pack of smokes it's ok to go out and buy $50 worth of unnecessary lawn fixer upper stuff.  Its not ever my house!  Oh well.

Day 12

I feel like I'm at confession. Bless me father for I have sinned. It has been 4 days since my last blog. I know I said I was going to post earlier, but I was too busy doing....stuff. I have committed cig-adultery. I was suppose to be alone, without the covetous nicotine fire sticks. But, I was overcome by temptation and unable to stave off my desires.

Alright, enough of the dogmatic prose. This past Friday I was really having a hard time going without nicotine. I spoke to my friend who gave me the prescription and he not only encouraged me, but insisted that I give in to my nicotine cravings. Personally, I questioned the logic behind his insistence, but my desire for nicotine somehow justified his argument. Basically, it was similar to a thought I expressed earlier in the blog. "Whats the point in taking the medicine if quitting sucks just as bad as if you didn't take anything". Point taken.

I just assumed it was gonna suck either way.

Anyhow, after having a couple of beers I decided I needed to inhale some carcinogens. But, much to my displeasure, they did not provide me any satisfaction. I felt as if I were doing it more out of routine and habit than out of any pleasure seeking action. I imagined I would get that good nicotine buzz you only get after going a decent amount of time without a cig. Anyone who smokes or has smoked knows that buzz. It is probably that feeling that gets most people hooked. Needless to say, I didn't get that much sought after buzz. Nor did I get any satisfaction at all. Just bad breath and stinky fingers. If there is one thing I hate about smoking and smoke related issues, it has to be the smell of your hands after smoking. If you ever wanted to bottle and sell the scent of cancer all you would need to do is capture the smell that comes from between your index and middle fingers after clutching a cigarette between them. Sorry, getting a bit off track here. Anyway, I don't think I really had cravings for the nicotine, more like a craving to participate in the ritual of smoking. [read newspaper=cigarette, drink coffee=cigarette, drive car=cigarette, do yard work=dip/chew, drink alcohol=many cigarettes (other dumb decisions not included), etc] From a ritualistic aspect, I guess you could say I satisfied an urge. But other than that, it really does nothing for me. And while i think about it all the time, I dont really desire it. It's become more of a chore than an escape. Instead of the pre-chantix "Ahhhhh" I would get from nicotine, now it is more like, "Ughhh".

So, I guess it is working. Knowing that I wont get that little head rush from a nice long puff, pretty much kills my desire to desire it. If that makes sense. Like eating your favorite food but not being able to taste it. The dreaming is also getting really vivid. I have yet to experience any dreams that are truly out of the ordinary. Clear, vivid, lucid, surreal; yes...Crazy, bloody, sexy, horrifying; no. I'm still waiting and hoping though. Maybe I should start watching horror-porn before bed. I'm not sure if that is really a genre of movie, but it should be if it's not. I bet there is a market for it.

Sorry again for my lapse in posting, I will try not to let it happen again. Ill try posting some intoxicated thoughts this evening to see if my current attitude alcohol proof.

D-Day

Ok, so the title of this day's post is a little dramatic, but screw it.  I'm storming the beaches to fight for nicotine freedom, to stand against the injustice of Big Tobacco, and rid the world of second-hand smoke, one carcinogen at a time. Eisenhower may  have said it a little better in his D-Day speech to the troops:

"You are about to embark upon the Great Crusade, toward which we have striven these many months. The eyes of the world are upon you. The
hopes and prayers of liberty-loving people everywhere march with you...Your task will not be an easy one. Your enemy is well trained, well
equipped and battle hardened. He will fight savagely..."

What started as a simple and ignoble comment to compare my plight of nicotinelessness to that of the fighting soldiers on D-Day, actually seems to have some parallels. At least in a overly narcissistic, only in theory, taking words out of context, kind of way. Hey, its my blog and I'll compare if I want to.

I woke this morning with plenty of energy and a sense of refreshing purpose. I wasnt too fired up last night, but it seems to be going ok. So far, so good. Hahahaha, it's only 10am. But, hey a 1000k mile journey starts with a single step, or something like that. But, I guess this means I'm at least picking up my foot. Ill post later this evening with an update.

Just so you know

Something went a little haywire with my formatting and I cant seem to adjust the font, boldness, or font size so my last post looks a little cock-eyed, or makes you cockeyed looking it at or however you wanna put it.

This is not me in the picture, by-the-way.  So, if youre the dude in this picture and you think I stole your photo, this is my way of citing you as a reference.  And, this isnt a way of announcing any suicidal intentions so, please, vast readership, dont be alarmed.