Day.....whatever

My title makes me laugh.  Like in Wedding Crashers on that dudes answer machine.  "Uhhhhhhh (long sigh).........whatever.....(beep)."
But, that's kinda how I feel as it relates to tobacco use.  I got pretty toasty last night and decided to rip a few cigs.  two to be exact.  But, I really got nothing out of them except a few coughs and little bit of a scratchy voice.  Goodness I miss that buzz.  I huffed the second cigarette down so fast, I might as well have just eaten it.  How frustrating.  Its like chasing the dragon...i assume.  Actually, I just did some research on that and it really is nothing like chasing the dragon, but the imagery that it invokes seems kinda similar.  And 'chasing the nicotine buzz' doesn't sound nearly as cool.  


The day before, Tuesday I think, was a complete nicotine free day.  I fought off some serious cravings, but managed to avoid the pitfall.  It might also be of interest that I did not drink at all.  Last night I did drink and I wound up smoking.  Not saying the two are related, just saying.  I guess I just needed to stick something in my mouth.  I've been eating sunflower seeds like crazy, chewing gum till my jaw hurts, and chewing on straws and stuff.  

The side-effects have been negligible at best.  The dreaming is full out insane though.  Pretty cool stuff.  But, and thats a BIG butt, I've been noticing recently that sometimes I have difficulty distinguishing what happened in a dream and what happened in reality.  For example, just last night I was talking with my neighbor and just as I was about to ask him why the hell he drove his car into the yard while blasting Twisted Sister's Were Not Gonna Take It!! at 2am, I realized that it had in fact been a dream.  Another time I was on my way to the store trying to remember what I needed to get.  I thought of a few things I needed and then thought, "no, I got that yesterday at the Star Wars themed farmers market."  And for a moment it seemed rational.  Like, sure thats totally normal to buy 15 pounds of cantaloupe and squash from Pizza the Hut. I know, he was from Spaceballs but I guess Jabba was unavailable.  Its pretty disturbing when you come back to earth and say wow, that was a dream idiot.
So, other than my altered sense of perception and reality, things are going pretty good.  I quit my job, started drinking heavily and developed a slight suicidal ideation.  I couldn't be better and Ive only smoked 5 cigs the last 5 days.  Powerful stuff.  Actually none of that is true.  Well, I did quit my job, but only cause I got a better job.  Its pretty liberating to quit a job.  I wrote a rather scathing letter of resignation and insisted it go into my file.  Which was a little ballzy, but....whatevvvvver....
Oh, and I've started to spend money like nobody's business.  I guess somehow I figure that by not spending the 5 bucks on a pack of smokes it's ok to go out and buy $50 worth of unnecessary lawn fixer upper stuff.  Its not ever my house!  Oh well.