Days from Then

Hello peeps,


I know my blogging has been sporadic at best the last week or two, but I have a note from my doctor to explain why.  See, what had happened wuuuz...Honestly, I recently started a new job that does not afford the luxury of sitting in front of a computer all day.  So, since I am not getting paid to blog anymore, my incentive for doing so has somewhat lessened.  However, in honor of the millions and millions of The Chantix Experiment's fans, the Blogdom's Champ has chosen to grace you with some off-duty words of wisdom.  
So, here is the scoop.  Ive had to start getting up real early for this whole, new job business and taking chantix is really not helping me sleep.  Taking it before bed is especially troublesome and taking it early in the morning is a pain cause I hardly ever eat breakfast.  So, I havent been taking the chantix as often as I should, every day even.  Plus my stash is almost depleted so Im trying to space them out.  But, Im not using nearly the amount of tobacco that I was, but still using nonetheless.  Arg!!   gotta kick this habit.  

Will it Work?

Im starting to doubt the effectiveness of the Chantix.  I feel like the nicotine has taken Chantix's best shot and is still standing strong.  Despite the fact that I still achieve no great sensation from it, I still continue to try with the cigs.  Its not as easy as you think to start understanding that nothing is to be gained from a cigarette.  Its like, just because you had a few bad sexual experiences doesnt mean your gonna give up the practice all together right?  No, your gonna keep trying and trying until it's right again.  I feel like Im getting closer to that realization, though.  With smoking that is.  I don't enjoy smoking anymore, so I guess that is a bonus.   

Do I need to quit drinking too?  It seems the alcohol is a pretty intense trigger as well are certain times of the day  that I am so used to using.  Especially, around lunch time and immediately after work.  I'm surely not using as much, but a few cigs a night is still no bueno.  I need to find something to fill the void left by smoking and chewing.  Any suggestions would be helpful.  Ive exhausted all human capacity to consume sunflower seeds.  And I hate chewing gum.  Frick!!  Id totally rip a butt right now if I had one. 

 I really should take my quit meter off the blog beacuse it is basically just a lie.  Unless of course it was the "quit buying cigarettes" meter.  I've noticed that other people really love it when you quit only to continually ask them for smokes.  It inspires them to help you quit.  

Speaking of quitting, my last day at this stinkin job is tomorrow.  Anybody have any suggestions on a going away prank?  

Day after whatevvvver

Not too much time for a long and thourough post.  But, just needed to check in to say that I cannot for the life of me make it an entire day without smoking.  I can go extremely long periods without cravings, but there are times that I just have to have one.  Whats worse, is not getting any satisfaction from them and immediately wanting one as soon as you finish it.  From what I've heard, that is just part of the process.  Eventually you will stop craving something that doesnt give you anything in return.  Like, well...none of the comparisons Im thinking of really should be written here, but its a learned behavior to crave nicotine.  Therefore, it must be a learned behavior to not crave it I guess. If there is anyone in this world reading this with some kind of insight, please comment and let me know.  I dont know what the hell I'm doing.  Is it ok, to sneak an occasional unfulfilling smoke?  Or should I fight these cravings like the plague? 

I'm not really feeling the love from my millions of followers and subscribers and commenters.  And that just takes alot of the wind out of my sails when I'm trying to write.  Also, its frustrating that I can't get my blog to be searchable via google.  There are actually a few people who read it, believe it or not and I have no idea how they found it other than me giving them the exact address.  Help?  Suggestions? Feel free to comment, follow, or subscribe.  I think that kinda thing helps spread the word and increase my mass appeal....hahahahaahahaah

have a good weekend blogians!

Day.....whatever

My title makes me laugh.  Like in Wedding Crashers on that dudes answer machine.  "Uhhhhhhh (long sigh).........whatever.....(beep)."
But, that's kinda how I feel as it relates to tobacco use.  I got pretty toasty last night and decided to rip a few cigs.  two to be exact.  But, I really got nothing out of them except a few coughs and little bit of a scratchy voice.  Goodness I miss that buzz.  I huffed the second cigarette down so fast, I might as well have just eaten it.  How frustrating.  Its like chasing the dragon...i assume.  Actually, I just did some research on that and it really is nothing like chasing the dragon, but the imagery that it invokes seems kinda similar.  And 'chasing the nicotine buzz' doesn't sound nearly as cool.  


The day before, Tuesday I think, was a complete nicotine free day.  I fought off some serious cravings, but managed to avoid the pitfall.  It might also be of interest that I did not drink at all.  Last night I did drink and I wound up smoking.  Not saying the two are related, just saying.  I guess I just needed to stick something in my mouth.  I've been eating sunflower seeds like crazy, chewing gum till my jaw hurts, and chewing on straws and stuff.  

The side-effects have been negligible at best.  The dreaming is full out insane though.  Pretty cool stuff.  But, and thats a BIG butt, I've been noticing recently that sometimes I have difficulty distinguishing what happened in a dream and what happened in reality.  For example, just last night I was talking with my neighbor and just as I was about to ask him why the hell he drove his car into the yard while blasting Twisted Sister's Were Not Gonna Take It!! at 2am, I realized that it had in fact been a dream.  Another time I was on my way to the store trying to remember what I needed to get.  I thought of a few things I needed and then thought, "no, I got that yesterday at the Star Wars themed farmers market."  And for a moment it seemed rational.  Like, sure thats totally normal to buy 15 pounds of cantaloupe and squash from Pizza the Hut. I know, he was from Spaceballs but I guess Jabba was unavailable.  Its pretty disturbing when you come back to earth and say wow, that was a dream idiot.
So, other than my altered sense of perception and reality, things are going pretty good.  I quit my job, started drinking heavily and developed a slight suicidal ideation.  I couldn't be better and Ive only smoked 5 cigs the last 5 days.  Powerful stuff.  Actually none of that is true.  Well, I did quit my job, but only cause I got a better job.  Its pretty liberating to quit a job.  I wrote a rather scathing letter of resignation and insisted it go into my file.  Which was a little ballzy, but....whatevvvvver....
Oh, and I've started to spend money like nobody's business.  I guess somehow I figure that by not spending the 5 bucks on a pack of smokes it's ok to go out and buy $50 worth of unnecessary lawn fixer upper stuff.  Its not ever my house!  Oh well.

Day 12

I feel like I'm at confession. Bless me father for I have sinned. It has been 4 days since my last blog. I know I said I was going to post earlier, but I was too busy doing....stuff. I have committed cig-adultery. I was suppose to be alone, without the covetous nicotine fire sticks. But, I was overcome by temptation and unable to stave off my desires.

Alright, enough of the dogmatic prose. This past Friday I was really having a hard time going without nicotine. I spoke to my friend who gave me the prescription and he not only encouraged me, but insisted that I give in to my nicotine cravings. Personally, I questioned the logic behind his insistence, but my desire for nicotine somehow justified his argument. Basically, it was similar to a thought I expressed earlier in the blog. "Whats the point in taking the medicine if quitting sucks just as bad as if you didn't take anything". Point taken.

I just assumed it was gonna suck either way.

Anyhow, after having a couple of beers I decided I needed to inhale some carcinogens. But, much to my displeasure, they did not provide me any satisfaction. I felt as if I were doing it more out of routine and habit than out of any pleasure seeking action. I imagined I would get that good nicotine buzz you only get after going a decent amount of time without a cig. Anyone who smokes or has smoked knows that buzz. It is probably that feeling that gets most people hooked. Needless to say, I didn't get that much sought after buzz. Nor did I get any satisfaction at all. Just bad breath and stinky fingers. If there is one thing I hate about smoking and smoke related issues, it has to be the smell of your hands after smoking. If you ever wanted to bottle and sell the scent of cancer all you would need to do is capture the smell that comes from between your index and middle fingers after clutching a cigarette between them. Sorry, getting a bit off track here. Anyway, I don't think I really had cravings for the nicotine, more like a craving to participate in the ritual of smoking. [read newspaper=cigarette, drink coffee=cigarette, drive car=cigarette, do yard work=dip/chew, drink alcohol=many cigarettes (other dumb decisions not included), etc] From a ritualistic aspect, I guess you could say I satisfied an urge. But other than that, it really does nothing for me. And while i think about it all the time, I dont really desire it. It's become more of a chore than an escape. Instead of the pre-chantix "Ahhhhh" I would get from nicotine, now it is more like, "Ughhh".

So, I guess it is working. Knowing that I wont get that little head rush from a nice long puff, pretty much kills my desire to desire it. If that makes sense. Like eating your favorite food but not being able to taste it. The dreaming is also getting really vivid. I have yet to experience any dreams that are truly out of the ordinary. Clear, vivid, lucid, surreal; yes...Crazy, bloody, sexy, horrifying; no. I'm still waiting and hoping though. Maybe I should start watching horror-porn before bed. I'm not sure if that is really a genre of movie, but it should be if it's not. I bet there is a market for it.

Sorry again for my lapse in posting, I will try not to let it happen again. Ill try posting some intoxicated thoughts this evening to see if my current attitude alcohol proof.

D-Day

Ok, so the title of this day's post is a little dramatic, but screw it.  I'm storming the beaches to fight for nicotine freedom, to stand against the injustice of Big Tobacco, and rid the world of second-hand smoke, one carcinogen at a time. Eisenhower may  have said it a little better in his D-Day speech to the troops:

"You are about to embark upon the Great Crusade, toward which we have striven these many months. The eyes of the world are upon you. The
hopes and prayers of liberty-loving people everywhere march with you...Your task will not be an easy one. Your enemy is well trained, well
equipped and battle hardened. He will fight savagely..."

What started as a simple and ignoble comment to compare my plight of nicotinelessness to that of the fighting soldiers on D-Day, actually seems to have some parallels. At least in a overly narcissistic, only in theory, taking words out of context, kind of way. Hey, its my blog and I'll compare if I want to.

I woke this morning with plenty of energy and a sense of refreshing purpose. I wasnt too fired up last night, but it seems to be going ok. So far, so good. Hahahaha, it's only 10am. But, hey a 1000k mile journey starts with a single step, or something like that. But, I guess this means I'm at least picking up my foot. Ill post later this evening with an update.

Just so you know

Something went a little haywire with my formatting and I cant seem to adjust the font, boldness, or font size so my last post looks a little cock-eyed, or makes you cockeyed looking it at or however you wanna put it.

This is not me in the picture, by-the-way.  So, if youre the dude in this picture and you think I stole your photo, this is my way of citing you as a reference.  And, this isnt a way of announcing any suicidal intentions so, please, vast readership, dont be alarmed.

Day Iz-ate

Today is "quit day".  Yay.  Boy, am I excited.  I cant really express my sarcasm via typing, so you're just gonna have to take my word for it.  I guess I could have used italics or something clever like that, but I'm not really in the mood.  Now, I must admit that, by "quit date", I'm referring solely to the cigarettes.  I have taken a couple of lip-fulls of smokeless tobacco, but today is the last day.  

Im pretty sure that I get my most tenacious cravings in the morning, right after I wake.  So, tomorrow morning is not something I am looking forward to.  In the past, Ive been able to go a few days without smoking, but have always used smokeless tobacco as a crutch.  Well, tomorrow I will see how I walk on my own with no crutch to lean on.  I am not really feeling a decrease in cravings either, so I'm a little skeptical.  

The only significant side-effects from the chantix have been the dreaming and the inability to get a good nights sleep.  Regardless of the amount of sleep I seem to get, I still wake up tired and lethargic.  This feeling lingers throughout the day and never fully subsides.  It's almost as if all night in bed you're not really fully asleep.  Only laying in bed thinking with your eyes closed.  The vividness of the dreaming may be to blame for the lack of quality sleep or vice versa or something in between.  Who knows, I'm pretty tired.  I did throw a small temper tantrum today, but I cant totally fault the meds, anyone would have been annoyed with what I had to deal with.  But, it was a little out of character to actually throw objects and storm off like a bratty school kid.  Maybe just tired and cranky.  I can only imagine how tomorrow will go without any nicotine.  Ahhh, Ill be fine, right?!?  Please feel free to comment or something to let me know what you think.

Day 7

Today was suppose to be my "quit date", but due to the lack of drug interaction, I decided to push it back a couple more days.  I'll admit that I am a little scared and hesitant to toss the tobacco, but I'm trying to ease into the idea.  I don't think I will freak out or anything, I just want the affect of going tobacco-less to be as negligible as possible.
My dreaming is getting more vivid by the night and I'm noticing a bit of interrupted sleep during the night.  I've awoken around 3am each of the last few nights.  Falling asleep isn't the problem at all.  In fact, for the past two nights, I have fallen asleep in the living room with all the lights on and the front door wide open.  This might not seem like a big deal to some, but I never fall asleep anywhere but my bed and I live in Memphis, TN and my neighborhood is, lets say, less than savory.  I have been going to bed earlier than usual but, my energy level has decreased a slight bit.  Typically, if I get anywhere near 8 hours of sleep, I am refreshed and springing out of bed.  More than 6 usually produces similar results.  However, the last few nights, Ive slept right around 8hrs and still proceed with a groggyness throughout the day.  I'm still making it to the gym regularly but, my lethargy at work is slightly worrisome.  Worrisome is a bit heavy here as I am about as unsatisfied in my job as one can be, so lets just go with troubling.  Troubling in the fact that I almost nodded off on my lunch break when I could have  been stuffing my face.
Thats about it for Monday.

Day 6

Keeping up with this blog day to day is a little harder than I imagined.  Where do people get the time?
Day 6 and still no interesting effects.  I'm starting to dream a bit more vividly and waking during the night with increased frequency.  I assume this is a result of the medication so, I'm thinking it is starting to work.  However slightly, I am noticing my cravings are lessening.  Not so much in frequency, but more in intensity.  There were a couple of incidents where I just forgot to light up or throw in a dip when I usually would have been jonesing.  From that standpoint the chantix may finally be working.  However, drinking and smoking still go hand in hand and when I'm drinking my urges to smoke increase.  This has not changed.  But, with some changes taking place,  I'm starting to feel a little more optimistic about the efficacy of the drug.

Day 5

Last night, I decided to take a half right before bed to see if it would have any affect on my dreaming.  Unfortunately, nothing interesting transpired.  I did dream, but it was nothing vivid or out of the ordinary.  I'm starting to seriously doubt the effectiveness of the drug as I have yet to experience a lack of desire for nicotine.  In fact, the only thing that  would even provide the slightest indication that I am using any prescription medication would be the slight twitch of the fingers that I mentioned earlier.  No crazy dreams, no suicidal thoughts, no lack of cravings, no psychotic breaks, no un-promted wigouts, nothing except a slightly annoying twitching finger that has since stopped.


I guess it is possible that my dose is too low.  I am only taking one a day and I believe some recommendations are for twice daily.  Maybe I will up my dosage to 1 and 1/2 per day to see if it changes anything.  As it stands, I am a bit hesitant to stop my nicotine use all-together because it would pretty much be the same as going cold turkey.  And if I was gonna do that, I wouldn't need to be taking this damn drug or wasting my time writing about it.  So, for now I will postpone my "quit date" for a couple of days to see if anything changes.   

Day 4

Ok, at this point I would assume something would be changing in either my temperament , demeanor, or at least my attitude.  One this that has popped up is rather unexpected.  While I was at work this morning I noticed that my fingers started twitching.  Not all of my fingers, but just my pinkie and my index fingers on both hands.  Odd. Almost like a muscle spasm, but just a slight, uncontrollable twitch.  I expected to have some mental hurdles in this experiment, but so far they have only been physical.  If any of these conditions worsen I will have to discontinue use.  I can handle the mental stuff (I hope), but having any physical set backs is not something I consider to be acceptable.
I took the medication this morning as I have the last couple of days.  I considered breaking it and taking each half a couple of hours apart to avoid the sickness that comes with each dose.  However, I swallowed it with a banana and an orange and washed it down with a cup of coffee. This combination allowed me to avoid the majority of the stomach discomfort.  I'm guessing this blog is starting to get a little boring with all the inaction.  So, in an effort to bring my readers (my readers..hahaha, as if there are any of you really out there) something interesting I decided to take a half of a pill before bed.  Its about 3am here and I'm about to hit the sack. I will hopefully update tomorrow with some interesting news.

Day 3

Lets see, it's day 3, but only my 2nd full day on the Chantix.  I'm only taking one a day and with the exception of the 1st pill, I have taken them all in the morning.  It really has a strong nauseating affect unless you take it with something like a peanut butter sandwich or a banana.

 I have not noticed any change in my mood or temperament and my smoking and chewing habits remain the same.  I plan on cutting them out starting next Monday.  My "quit date" as some call it.  Sounds pretty queer to me, but I'll humor you for now.  Hopefully, by then I will be in a full on psychotic episode and have nothing but chantix colored blood running through my veins while coughing up foam and running through the streets naked like a rabid silver-back gorilla.  At that point, I will know the meds are working and I will be able to toss the cigs and dip in the trash.  But, for now all I can hope for is some hallucinations and maybe a hot sex dream.
Maybe I'm immune to the drug or maybe it just takes a few days to circulate in your body before it passes the blood-brain barrier and starts messing with your thoughts.  Speaking of which, now that I think about it, I have become a bit more cerebral in the last day or so.  Seems like I'm just thinking about things a lot more.  But not necessarily in a good way.  But, it's not very noticeable and happens rather infrequently.  I keep waiting for the moment where I turn into a werewolf and go hunting humans in the night.  However, as of now, the only thing I want to hunt and kill is Jimmy Fallon.  He has to be the worst talk show host in the history of TV.  And yes, when I say talk show host, I am including Arsenio Hall and Magic Johnson.  He is so bad in fact, that it literally angers me to see or hear him.  Even knowing he's alive and still hosting a show is somewhat unsettling. And just to be clear, these feelings have nothing to do with the chantix or any other chemical agent.  He just sucks.

But, enough of that.  My day has ended with no real chantix related drama, so its time to retire for the evening.

Day 2

Day 2
Wednesday, March, 31

My first full day on Chantix, woo!!  Too bad it didn't really start that way.  I was a little hungover and tired when I woke up for work this morning, so it is hard to say with certainty that the Chantix is to blame for my nausea. But, I was fine before I took it and about 30min after swallowing the pill I felt I was going to hurl for sure.  I ate a banana and had a cup of coffee and the nausea pretty much went away.   Later on, I had a pretty piercing headache, but it was short lived.  I hardly ever get headaches so, I'm pretty sure it was Chantix related. I felt tired and drowsy for most of the day at work, but began to perk up around 3pm.  After work I went to the gym as usual and swam a little over a mile.  I didn't feel any fatigue or soreness that some have reported.  Later that night I had a few drinks and entertained a guest.  All went as normal.  Not even any crazy dreams.
The effects of the medication have not really appeared yet, as I am still smoking and chewing at my usual clip.  The stomach issues aren't to be taken lightly, though.  The nausea and diarrhea are pretty persistent but, I'm hoping and betting that they will go away as my body gets used to the meds.

DAY 1

Day 1~

Well, the first day wasn't really a first day at all. I pretty much popped a pill right before bed. Not really any crazy dreams or much to report. I was pretty tipsy when I took it and thought it would be cool if I had some crazy dreams. Which, for those of you who don't know, one of the main side effects of Chantix is abnormally vivid and lucid dreaming. But, to my dismay, nothing of note.

My Personal Experiment with Chantix

Like many others before me, I am going to give Chantix a shot in order to curb my tobacco use. I received a prescription from my doctor a few months ago, but never filled it due to the high cost. However, a friend of mine who had success with it gave me roughly 40 of his remaining pills to try. My friend has been relatively smoke free for a number of months, but will sneak a cig occasionally when we are out for drinks and whatnot. He considers me one of his triggers and therefore feels I should quit so as not to tempt him. But, regardless of his reasoning, it works for me because I get the pills for free and get to give quitting a chance.

I have never tried any type of quit smoking medicine or NRPs (nicotine replacement products) before and I was a little hesitant to try this. But, my nicotine consumption has gotten a little out of control and has become pretty expensive so, I'm about ready to try anything. I smoke nearly a pack a day and chew/dip nearly a can a day. And nothing is more disgusting than waking up with a hangover and seeing a house full of spit-cups and ashtrays.

Before taking the pills I decided to do some research on the drug Chantix, also known as Varenicline or Champix (in Europe and Canada). I actually did the research AFTER taking my first pill, but who's counting. Anyway, to my surprise, there are loads and loads of outrageous stories about the side-effects of this drug. They range from homicide and suicide to extremely vivid and lucid dreams to causing some kind of rare diabetes and everything in between. Instead of being mortified and ditching the idea all-together, I became more intrigued and curious about how I would be affected. The quitting tobacco part is now just an added bonus to all the other fun I can have. The whole, "take the pill and see what happens" experiment has always seemed like a good idea as far as I'm concerned, why should this be any different? I've never had any health, mental or physical problems

However, based on all the crazy stories out there, I figured it would be fun to report, on a daily basis, how my body and mind are taking to the drug. In my mind, this little drug induced adventure will be like some kind of metamorphic tale full of action and suspense. Will I totally flip out and try to kill my dogs and cats by drowning, or will I break down in tears when someone asks for the time, maybe I will ransack my own home and not remember. By the way, those are all actual claims coming from users of this wonder-drug.

So, my adventure begins today and I am anxious to start writing about some of my fantastically wild experiences in my quest to kick the habit. So, stay tuned and hopefully I will take us on a wild and exhilarating ride of chantix-fueled fun and misadventure. I feel like I just signed up for the Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment, how exciting!!